I’m an idealist; I want to be a teacher. That too, for little children, so that I can make a difference to as yet “uncorrupted” minds. Imagine my horror then at hearing an old friend (now a teacher) telling me that one little boy in her class raised his hand and asked her; “Ma’am, are you a virgin”.
This question has a hundred throwbacks, ranging from the importance of virginity in our society today to what our children are thinking about today! My baby brother (barely a teenager), watches Desperate Housewives with the air of one who has ‘been there and seen that’. In an innocent conversation during on e of the ads (I’m a Desperate Housewives Virgin), we began talking about the few minutes I had caught, where the son sued the mother for slapping him. My brother said that he and his compatriots agreed that it was too ‘liberal’ but Singapore should change; after all, the mother was sleeping around!
Where did this ‘blame generation’ spring from? Where did this generation of children get these thoughts from? I’m not all that old, still in the same generation really! After all this time and money spent on top schools, expensive vacations, computers, games, mobile phones and clothes, is it time to weigh the benefits that we are really getting?
While children are thinking out of the box, are they losing the essence of being ‘children’? Play grounds and bicycles have surrendered to Gameboys and Playstations. As mentioned above, Desperate Housewives has replaced Captain Planet and the Mickey Mouse Show is history.
From an idealist, I am becoming a questioner; I want to know if the benefits of these ‘newfangled’ pastimes are truly beneficial. I am 22 and have begun to realize that I will probably have children in the next 5 years and am thinking about what I want them to be like. The one thing flashing in my head is that I certainly don’t want my son’s teacher to be subjected to the question my friend was. I cannot ban him from the internet or articles which talk about sex; but I can pray that he’ll come to me with his questions and I want to make myself available for that.
Is that what kids today are missing - The chance to clear things with their parents? My friend later told me that another boy had later asked her what virgin meant, he had not known, but had participated in the laughter just the same. While the caretakers parents provide for their children are often the best they can get, there seems to be a lack somewhere. These (often) foreign domestics are not on the same level as parents and being young, are more interested in chatting about fashion and friends than teaching values and explaining things. Perhaps children are unwittingly picking up these topics of conversation and certain ‘interesting’ words and phrases and subjecting their teachers to them!
There could be a hundred more explanations but this is a likely one; especially as the boy involved was brought up by a domestic worker because his parents were away. He spent his time on the computer and television, had a girlfriend (even I feel left out, single at 22), and was living the life of a 22 year old before turning into a teenager even!
Is this what money has brought us- Children old before their time?
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
It should be rape-even if he's your husband
The Electric New Paper :
It should be rape-even if he's your husband
IN no way does marriage give one individual the right to control or force your spouse into doing something against his or her will.
By Ratna Tiwary
28 May 2006
IN no way does marriage give one individual the right to control or force your spouse into doing something against his or her will.
I think most of us will agree on this.
What I don't understand is why the law in civilised Singapore protects men who force their wives into sexual intercourse?
Yes, there's no such thing as raping your own wife here.
The White Ribbon Campaign is an annual international drive organised by men to stop violence against women. It is marked on 25 Nov, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.
In 2004, the campaign, run by the Association of Women for Action and Research, focused on sexual violence in the home. The following year, men took over the reins, and they undertook a personal pledge: 'Never to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women.'
While their work is more than admirable (and their advertisements and free postcards did depict very soul-stirring graphics), more needs to be done by the Government about laws (or the lack of) against marital rape.
A man who kills his wife is charged with murder. A man who steals from his wife is charged with theft. But a man who forces his wife to have sex with him or rapes her goes unpunished.
It questions what the priorities of our society are. Apparently money matters more than dignity and modesty because money is protected by the law.
Do concepts of modesty and consent no longer matter once the wedding ring is slipped on the finger? It reminds one of an old joke where marriage is said to require three rings: Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't seem to remember the Justices of the Peace mentioning in the marriage vows that sex is a given whenever the husband wants it.
In a well-developed, almost first-world nation, marital rape ought to be illegal.
Basic human rights including modesty and freedom of choice (on whether and when to have sex) do not get eliminated upon marriage.
Section 375 of the Penal Code states that 'sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under 13 years of age, is not rape'.
The laws of many other countries such as India and Malaysia, have explicit exemptions for marital rape. Perhaps it's time we follow.
In her research, Dr Diana Russell, an activist against violence against women reported that 8 per cent of 900 randomly selected women in the US said they had been raped by their husbands.
A survey by the National Victim Center in the state of Virginia states that 10 per cent of all sexual assault cases reported by women involved either a husband or an ex-husband.
We hardly hear of cases of marital rape in Singapore. But that's not to say there are no victims. And what good will it do them to go running to the police when it's not a crime for a man to rape his wife?
At best, it can be construed as family violence if the wife was beaten during the forced sexual intercourse.
Granted, sexual abuse in marriages is a grey issue. For one, it's hard to prove a husband raped his wife. So enforcing any law on marital rape may have to be on a case-by-case basis.
But that doesn't mean sexual abuse in a marriage is acceptable.
So before the debate over oral sex and homosexuality can continue, perhaps our society should look at this pertinent issue before too many women continue to suffer in silence. Sex, whenever he wants it, is not a prerogative of marriage.
Men need to know this, as do women.
The writer is a third-year political science and South Asian Studies undergraduate at NUS
Copyright © 2005 Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Co. Regn. No. 198402868E. All rights reserved.
Privacy Statement and Conditions of Access
It should be rape-even if he's your husband
IN no way does marriage give one individual the right to control or force your spouse into doing something against his or her will.
By Ratna Tiwary
28 May 2006
IN no way does marriage give one individual the right to control or force your spouse into doing something against his or her will.
I think most of us will agree on this.
What I don't understand is why the law in civilised Singapore protects men who force their wives into sexual intercourse?
Yes, there's no such thing as raping your own wife here.
The White Ribbon Campaign is an annual international drive organised by men to stop violence against women. It is marked on 25 Nov, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.
In 2004, the campaign, run by the Association of Women for Action and Research, focused on sexual violence in the home. The following year, men took over the reins, and they undertook a personal pledge: 'Never to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women.'
While their work is more than admirable (and their advertisements and free postcards did depict very soul-stirring graphics), more needs to be done by the Government about laws (or the lack of) against marital rape.
A man who kills his wife is charged with murder. A man who steals from his wife is charged with theft. But a man who forces his wife to have sex with him or rapes her goes unpunished.
It questions what the priorities of our society are. Apparently money matters more than dignity and modesty because money is protected by the law.
Do concepts of modesty and consent no longer matter once the wedding ring is slipped on the finger? It reminds one of an old joke where marriage is said to require three rings: Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't seem to remember the Justices of the Peace mentioning in the marriage vows that sex is a given whenever the husband wants it.
In a well-developed, almost first-world nation, marital rape ought to be illegal.
Basic human rights including modesty and freedom of choice (on whether and when to have sex) do not get eliminated upon marriage.
Section 375 of the Penal Code states that 'sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under 13 years of age, is not rape'.
The laws of many other countries such as India and Malaysia, have explicit exemptions for marital rape. Perhaps it's time we follow.
In her research, Dr Diana Russell, an activist against violence against women reported that 8 per cent of 900 randomly selected women in the US said they had been raped by their husbands.
A survey by the National Victim Center in the state of Virginia states that 10 per cent of all sexual assault cases reported by women involved either a husband or an ex-husband.
We hardly hear of cases of marital rape in Singapore. But that's not to say there are no victims. And what good will it do them to go running to the police when it's not a crime for a man to rape his wife?
At best, it can be construed as family violence if the wife was beaten during the forced sexual intercourse.
Granted, sexual abuse in marriages is a grey issue. For one, it's hard to prove a husband raped his wife. So enforcing any law on marital rape may have to be on a case-by-case basis.
But that doesn't mean sexual abuse in a marriage is acceptable.
So before the debate over oral sex and homosexuality can continue, perhaps our society should look at this pertinent issue before too many women continue to suffer in silence. Sex, whenever he wants it, is not a prerogative of marriage.
Men need to know this, as do women.
The writer is a third-year political science and South Asian Studies undergraduate at NUS
Copyright © 2005 Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Co. Regn. No. 198402868E. All rights reserved.
Privacy Statement and Conditions of Access
Liberation?
No man is as anti-feminist as a really feminine woman. ~Frank O'Connor
Men and women have been discussing liberation and feminist theories since time immemorial, the question I think we ought to ask after all this time is that, what has all this discussion done? Where has it bought the whole issue?
On the one hand, it is undeniable that women have come a long way from being clubbed on the head by a prospective suitor and being dragged by her hair into his cave, but on the other hand, what have we lost to gain this "liberation”? It is a pretty legit argument that has often been espoused, that women have lost that intrinsic "femininity" in their quest for this so-called liberation
In this quest for some version of equality between the sexes, we seem to have almost merged both sexes into one. Radical feminists used to be a minority, but now we hear their rallying cry too often for my comfort at least, “Women can do everything men can”. Well, maybe we can, but do we really want to? I’m very happy to sit in the toilet and take time off for kids; both of which men don’t usually do.
At the risk of sounding like a woman who is a male chauvinist, let me clarify. I feel that gender differences were created for a reason, some form of specialization of labour, the minute either sex crosses the boundaries the carefully crafted balance falls apart. The current situation brings to my mind the old adage, “give an inch and he’ll take a mile”. Women should have a say in politics and definitely I thank the early suffragists for fighting for my right to vote (although I still didn’t get to); but when in the sixties they burnt the bra, did they burn femininity along with it?
Now you ask what this femininity I’m going on about is. Simple really, I would define it to include a little HEART-work, a little bit more concern and gentleness. The feminists want to stone me now, I sound like I’m from the Stone Age anyway; but stop and think a minute. Women are biologically smaller, more apt to emotional blitzes and generally softer (emotionally and physically; not mentally). This would make women fantastic in many job roles but instead of injecting better working conditions or living conditions; women at the top often try to outdo the men they have replaced!
India came closest to losing democracy at the hands of a woman; Pakistani women did not benefit in any great way from a female head of state and most female CEOs work long hours and expect more from their staff; maid abusers are often women given a chance to lord over someone else! It seems that we have left dark oppression only to become more oppressive.
Instead of getting hard ourselves and trying to compete, women should try and give their best qualities to men - bring them softness, teach them how to cry.
~Joan Baez, "Sexism Seen but not Heard," Los Angeles Times, 1974
Men and women have been discussing liberation and feminist theories since time immemorial, the question I think we ought to ask after all this time is that, what has all this discussion done? Where has it bought the whole issue?
On the one hand, it is undeniable that women have come a long way from being clubbed on the head by a prospective suitor and being dragged by her hair into his cave, but on the other hand, what have we lost to gain this "liberation”? It is a pretty legit argument that has often been espoused, that women have lost that intrinsic "femininity" in their quest for this so-called liberation
In this quest for some version of equality between the sexes, we seem to have almost merged both sexes into one. Radical feminists used to be a minority, but now we hear their rallying cry too often for my comfort at least, “Women can do everything men can”. Well, maybe we can, but do we really want to? I’m very happy to sit in the toilet and take time off for kids; both of which men don’t usually do.
At the risk of sounding like a woman who is a male chauvinist, let me clarify. I feel that gender differences were created for a reason, some form of specialization of labour, the minute either sex crosses the boundaries the carefully crafted balance falls apart. The current situation brings to my mind the old adage, “give an inch and he’ll take a mile”. Women should have a say in politics and definitely I thank the early suffragists for fighting for my right to vote (although I still didn’t get to); but when in the sixties they burnt the bra, did they burn femininity along with it?
Now you ask what this femininity I’m going on about is. Simple really, I would define it to include a little HEART-work, a little bit more concern and gentleness. The feminists want to stone me now, I sound like I’m from the Stone Age anyway; but stop and think a minute. Women are biologically smaller, more apt to emotional blitzes and generally softer (emotionally and physically; not mentally). This would make women fantastic in many job roles but instead of injecting better working conditions or living conditions; women at the top often try to outdo the men they have replaced!
India came closest to losing democracy at the hands of a woman; Pakistani women did not benefit in any great way from a female head of state and most female CEOs work long hours and expect more from their staff; maid abusers are often women given a chance to lord over someone else! It seems that we have left dark oppression only to become more oppressive.
Instead of getting hard ourselves and trying to compete, women should try and give their best qualities to men - bring them softness, teach them how to cry.
~Joan Baez, "Sexism Seen but not Heard," Los Angeles Times, 1974
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