It should be rape-even if he's your husband

The Electric New Paper :

It should be rape-even if he's your husband

IN no way does marriage give one individual the right to control or force your spouse into doing something against his or her will.
By Ratna Tiwary


28 May 2006

IN no way does marriage give one individual the right to control or force your spouse into doing something against his or her will.

I think most of us will agree on this.

What I don't understand is why the law in civilised Singapore protects men who force their wives into sexual intercourse?

Yes, there's no such thing as raping your own wife here.

The White Ribbon Campaign is an annual international drive organised by men to stop violence against women. It is marked on 25 Nov, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.

In 2004, the campaign, run by the Association of Women for Action and Research, focused on sexual violence in the home. The following year, men took over the reins, and they undertook a personal pledge: 'Never to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women.'

While their work is more than admirable (and their advertisements and free postcards did depict very soul-stirring graphics), more needs to be done by the Government about laws (or the lack of) against marital rape.

A man who kills his wife is charged with murder. A man who steals from his wife is charged with theft. But a man who forces his wife to have sex with him or rapes her goes unpunished.

It questions what the priorities of our society are. Apparently money matters more than dignity and modesty because money is protected by the law.

Do concepts of modesty and consent no longer matter once the wedding ring is slipped on the finger? It reminds one of an old joke where marriage is said to require three rings: Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't seem to remember the Justices of the Peace mentioning in the marriage vows that sex is a given whenever the husband wants it.

In a well-developed, almost first-world nation, marital rape ought to be illegal.

Basic human rights including modesty and freedom of choice (on whether and when to have sex) do not get eliminated upon marriage.

Section 375 of the Penal Code states that 'sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under 13 years of age, is not rape'.

The laws of many other countries such as India and Malaysia, have explicit exemptions for marital rape. Perhaps it's time we follow.

In her research, Dr Diana Russell, an activist against violence against women reported that 8 per cent of 900 randomly selected women in the US said they had been raped by their husbands.

A survey by the National Victim Center in the state of Virginia states that 10 per cent of all sexual assault cases reported by women involved either a husband or an ex-husband.

We hardly hear of cases of marital rape in Singapore. But that's not to say there are no victims. And what good will it do them to go running to the police when it's not a crime for a man to rape his wife?

At best, it can be construed as family violence if the wife was beaten during the forced sexual intercourse.

Granted, sexual abuse in marriages is a grey issue. For one, it's hard to prove a husband raped his wife. So enforcing any law on marital rape may have to be on a case-by-case basis.

But that doesn't mean sexual abuse in a marriage is acceptable.

So before the debate over oral sex and homosexuality can continue, perhaps our society should look at this pertinent issue before too many women continue to suffer in silence. Sex, whenever he wants it, is not a prerogative of marriage.

Men need to know this, as do women.

The writer is a third-year political science and South Asian Studies undergraduate at NUS

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